Have you ever sat down in front of the computer knowing what you want to write about but not sure how to start? Or how to get it all out in a neat and concise way? That's how I'm feeling right now...
Life has been interesting the past several months -- almost a year now. Personal and professional hurdles have knocked me on my bottom, and after long talks with the best of friends, hours upon hours of reading, hours upon hours of praying, long walks, talking with Dad (who I know is watching over me), and drives through the peace-filled countryside, I thought I had picked myself up and brushed myself off. I thought I was clear in my mind of what I had to do, what changes I had to make that hadn't already been made, and what I wanted.
But here I am on a Saturday evening struggling to sort through this muddied mess.
I lost someone in my life who I considered a friend as a result of circumstances I had no control over. And I miss him. I miss his smile, his sarcasm, his laugh, his stories of his kids, his sweetness. Funny how it doesn't hurt any less now than it did months ago. It breaks my heart.
I have a job that I love. But yet I struggle with feelings of letting my clients and customers down as we all struggle to come out of a real estate market that has proven to be more than a challenge to so many. Do they know I am doing all that I can to find "the" buyer for their house? Do they know I am checking every day -- several times a day -- for the "perfect" house for them?
And like so many others, the bills seem to stack up quicker than they get paid.
Sometimes it feels like you're at the bottom of a pit, looking up for any sign of light, but it's just not there. And then something points you in the direction of taking a drive and ending up at your mom's house and visiting with her and your 3-year old nephew, who she happens to be watching for a couple hours. And his innocence and inquisitiveness erases the hurt and doubt for just a little while. And your mom's offer of some homemade caramel corn and a bag of candy to take home warms your heart.
Words of encouragement from an unexpected online chat with a dear friend help to reassure you that all will be well -- that you deserve to be and will be happy. Be happy now.
I don't know what's ahead for me. I do know there will be some pretty big changes, though I'm not sure what exactly those changes will be. And I know that I have to trust and believe things will be okay. I have to. Don't we all? After all, without faith and hope, what do we have?
Here's to letting go, and letting God...
